Feeling you have lost control of your life
These are new and difficult feelings and it can be hard to adjust. Sometimes it helps to try to take ‘one step at a time’, and to set small achievable goals. This can encourage you to feel that there are still some things that remain within your control.
Feeling angry
Having cancer can make you feel very angry. Some people react to stressful situations with anger rather than by showing distress as it can effectively mask the hurt and the feelings of being afraid, inadequate or powerless. By hiding these feelings we feel less vulnerable and better prepared to confront the cancer.
Feeling afraid
Fear underlies what most people feel about cancer. There is the fear of the unknown, the fear of the treatment, the fear of possible pain and the fear of death - all of which can be very difficult to acknowledge and it can even seem as though there is intense pressure to put on a brave face.
However, fear in this situation is quite understandable and normal. If you are able to understand and admit your fear, it could be a very brave move. You may find that bringing fears out into the open can help to make things appear less daunting and help you feel more able to cope.
Fear of dying
Many cancers can now be treated so successfully that people can expect to live for years with a very good quality of life.Sadly there will be some people for whom treatment for cancer will not be so successful. Dying from cancer is often less sudden than medical conditions, such as a heart attack or a stroke. This at least gives many people the opportunity to do things they have always wanted to do but have kept putting off. People also find that they have a chance to say their goodbyes.
There are books available that are specifically written for people facing death through cancer, as well as various telephone support lines. Contact the freephone Macmillan CancerLine for more details.
Fear of pain
Modern drugs and techniques for relieving pain and discomfort are improving all the time. In most cases, pain can be controlled very effectively by the use of drugs, ranging from mild painkillers to morphine-based medication. It is possible to stage the doses so that no pain need be experienced at all. If you are worried about managing pain, ask your medical team about the options for pain killers.
Feeling lonely
Many people feel lonely and isolated at times during their illness and at times this loneliness is all too real. Partners, families and friends may find it difficult to cope, and it may appear that they are distancing themselves from the person with cancer. This, in turn, can add a sense of rejection to all the other feelings that they might have.For many the sense of isolation is made worse if they find it difficult to talk about how they feel and what they are going through. This is when it can be useful to get in touch with other people who have had or are having similar experiences, maybe through a self help or support group. Staff at your hospital may be able to suggest something, or you can find details of local groups on this website.
Feeling sad or depressed
Sadness may be connected with changes you have had to make to your life, or how cancer has affected your body and your health. Sometimes these feelings can develop into depression, completely overwhelming you and stopping you from taking an interest or a part of any aspect of your life.
Despite what people may tell you, depression is not something you can shake yourself out of that easily. If you think you are depressed, discuss your feelings with your GP - you may need some medical help or support
Depression may be treated by prescribing anti-depressant drugs (which are not normally addictive). On the whole, the earlier a depression is treated, the better the chance of controlling it.
Need for close comfort
Some people with cancer feel a great need to be touched and held. They want to feel reassured that they are still loved and that people care for them. These feelings are normal and OK, and not a sign of weakness at all. If there is someone close you can share this with you may find it helps you to deal with many of the above feelings and emotions.
Read more about the emotional effects of cancer on our Cancerbackup site.
We are here to help. Need to talk to someone? Call Cancerline on 0808 808 2020